How to write a Dan Brown book

[from my mail to cbsbit group]

Just started 'Angels and Demons'....read around 140 pages. You can also write a book like Dan Brown. Here is what you need to do:

1. Do a thorough research about a couple of European cities....make sure you know every street/monument/museum in the city....you will have to describe them vividly.
2. The book has to start with a brutal murder of somebody who knows secret...the corpse should preferably be naked.
3. The victim has to have a daughter/grand-daughter, who has nobody else in the world except the victim...ofcourse, she will find a friend in Robert Langdon.
4. The complete novel ...though would be of six to seven hundred pages but...would just describe around 24 hours.
5. There has to be a handicapped intelligent guy...who may turn out to be the villain.
6. There has to be a secret society....search about one, find it, discover it or create it...i don't give a damn...but it has to exist....c'mon guys, can't u see...secret societies are everywhere.

and last, but the most important...
7. Do a lot of church bashing...but subtly promote christianity.

So, who is writing the next one???

(you are invited to extend/improve this list :)